Why I'm quitting "Dancing With the Stars"

...watching it, that is.



 Dear Dancing with the Stars: You're doing it wrong.

I used to be the biggest Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) fan of them all. Seriously. DVR'd every episode, watched all the press. Burned all the episodes AND interviews onto DVDs for posterity (and later re-viewing!) Even called in to vote!

But somewhere along the line, DWTS has lost its way. Season 15 (the All-Stars) WAS better than a few of the previous seasons, but now Season 16 is on the horizon, and after watching the GMA cast announcement, I looked at the pros and cons of continuing to watch, and I have to say that the scales have tipped.  I'll no longer be watching. I have deleted the Season Pass from my Tivo, and will be moving on. (Although I will still read the deliciously snarky recaps on Television without Pity, …at least until those few contestants whose names I even recognize from the new cast are eliminated, and I no longer care at all.)

Keep watching DWTS ... or Quit? 

The Ho-hum cast: 11 cast members were announced on Tuesday, 2/26/13, (on Good Morning America)– an odd number, both literally and figuratively – usually there is an even number of contestants on DWTS. Maybe ABC is going to pull another one of those gimmicky deals where America Votes! to select the remaining cast member – but it's getting a little close to the season premier date to announce another cast member – it would give the previously-announced cast the advantage of more time for training. Maybe ABC could only dredge up 11 people this season.

So let's take a closer look at the lackluster cast for Season 16:

DWTS tends to pluck cast members from the B, C, and D lists – because, obviously – A-listers don't need DWTS to perk up their careers and/or bank accounts, and even if an A-lister wanted to dance on DWTS, they are probably booked into other commitments that would prevent them from signing on for the duration of the Season (however long or short that may be for them). With that said, Season 16 has managed to do something no other DWTS season has done: I literally don't even know who more than half of this seasons contestants are! Which makes it kind of difficult to care!

1. Zendaya Coleman – Never Heard of Her. Evidently, she is a Disney Star (ABC's parent company). More about that later. 
2. Andy Dick – I have to admit, I am a fan (or at least, I used to be) – I remember him from Less than Perfect, where he was absolutely hysterical. But he is now better known for his outrageous, unpredictable "behavior"…. 
3. Dorothy Hamill - I am a huge fan of this legendary Olympic Gold Medalist (figure skating) – more about this later. 
4. D.L. Hughley – a comedian; not my cup of tea. At all. 
5. Jacoby Jones – Never heard of him. Apparently, he plays football. More about that later. 
6. Wynonna Judd – country singer. I hate country music. 
7. Victor Ortiz – no clue. Evidently, a boxer. More on that later. 
8. Kellie Pickler – don't know her. According to the internet, she was on American Idol. Which I don't watch. 
9. Ingo Rademacher – I'm a fan. Ingo played Jax on General Hospital for years and years, and between his gorgeous looks and that dreamy Australian accent, what's not to love? 
10. Aly Raisman – never heard of her. Apparently, she is one of the Fab Five. No clue. Turns out, they won a gymnastics medal at the 2012 Summer Olympics – which I didn't watch. I don't do sports. Plus, the only name I remember being associated with gymnastics last summer was Gabby somebody. And I don't care enough to look up her last name, because it doesn't matter. She's not on DWTS.
11. Lisa Vanderpump – don't know her, but months ago I made myself a rule: "Never watch a TV show with a 'Vanderpump' on it". Whatever a "Vanderpump" might be. Why the rule? Because I had just been subjected to the bazillionith (what, it's a number!) awful, obnoxiously loud commercial on Bravo for something called "Vanderpump Rules" while trying to watch stuff I actually wanted to watch on Bravo. And I decided, "I think I need a Vanderpump rule: No Vanderpumps."

Interesting (to me) asides:

• Several days before the cast was announced on Good Morning America, ABC began running promos for the cast announcement. These promos featured judge Bruno Tonioli saying something like, "You think you know, but you don't know!" I took that to mean that the cast would be shocking! We'd be surprised, and excited! No way we could prepare for the shock! Turns out, Bruno meant it literally – I actually don't know (most of) them! And it's not just me: several press outlets have called the cast "Google-worthy", as in, the press also had to Google them to find out who they were! [Here's one.]
• On GMA during the cast announcement, Brooke Burke-Charvet stage-whispered to Tom Bergeron something along the lines of: "I was surprised at how rumors about the cast were on the down-low this season." OK – A) What she meant was, there hadn’t been as much speculation about the cast as in previous seasons. Just another example of Brooke's nodding acquaintance with the English language. And B) there wasn't much speculation about the cast, because they are boring.

And while we're on the subject of the cast, let's break down this casting stuff a little bit more – get ready for more opinions!

The Casting is too formulaic. The way I see it, DWTS has certain categories/types of contestants that they "need" to fill each season (bonus points when a contestant crosses over into more than one category – it's up to you to figure out where these cross-overs are for Season 16!) (Note: any examples I provide from previous seasons are not meant to be all-inclusive.)

• The Pro Football player: Jacoby Jones – check! (see also: Emmitt Smith, Jerry Rice, et.al.) 
• The Olympian: Aly Raisman – check! (see also: Kristi Yamaguchi, Shawn Johnson, Apolo Ohno, et. al.) – and yes, I have NOT included Dorothy Hammill here – I have a reason (stay tuned!) 
• The Random, non football, non-Olympian athlete: Victor Ortiz – check! (see also: Louie Vito, Misty May-Treanor, Evander Holyfield, Laila Ali, Floyd Mayweather, Jr., Monica Seles, Martina Navratilova, et. al) 
• The ABC Soap star: Ingo Rademacher – check! (see also: Kelly Monaco, Cameron Matheson, JR Martinez, Susan Lucci, et. al.) 
• The Disney Star: Zendaya Coleman – check! (see Kyle Massey, Roshon Fagan, Cody Linley, et.al.) 
• The Reality "Star": Lisa Vanderpump – check! (see also: Bristol Palin, Melissa Rycroft, Trista Sutter, Kim & Rob Kardashian, Jake Pavelka, Audrina Patridge, et. al.) 
• The Quirky one (e.g. the Incomprehensible choice): Andy Dick – check! (see also: Steve-O, Penn Jillette, Master P., Steve Wozniak, Jeffrey Ross, et. al.) 
• The Old one: No obvious entry this season (see: Jane Seymour, Buzz Aldrin, Florence Henderson, Cloris Leachman, et. al.) 
• The model/pageant girl: another overlooked category this season! (see Petra Nemcova, Paulina Porizkova, Rachel Hunter, Shanna Moakler, Shandi Finnessey) 
• The Unwatchable one (probably not a viable category where DWTS Producers are concerned, but definitely a real category as far as I'm concerned – see: Nancy Grace, Niecy Nash, Sherri Shepherd, et. al.) I don't have an obvious pick for this category in Season 16, although Wynonna Judd is this >< close (and getting closer every time she does press for the upcoming season)! Much like many "unwatchables" who have preceded her (oh, like, say, Sherri, and Niecy), Wynonna is NOT as funny and cute as she thinks she is. 

 this frightens me

and . . .

• The Overweight one: Wynonna Judd – check! (see also: Kirstie Alley, Marissa Jarett Winoker, Ricki Lake, Kelly Osbourne, Sherri Shepherd, et.al.)

 [NOTE: this category has nothing to do with singling someone out because of their size – I couldn't care less, as long as they are serious about trying to dance (and in fact, they frequently do quite well in the competition). I made this a separate category because the media, the overweight contestants, and the show itself usually cannot get beyond the weight, making constant references to their stamina, fitness, abililty to keep up, speculation about weight loss thus far, etc. Heck, during last Tuesday's cast announcement segment on GMA, someone (Sam Champion, maybe?) asked Judd how much weight she hopes to lose during the season. So get ready for repeated references to her shrinking size if she makes it beyond week 2 or 3! Contestants in this category almost always turn to humor (a carefully-crafted defense mechanism which develops over years) - and the humor is almost always self-deprecating (which can get old, fast). So we can also expect more of what we saw from Judd last Tuesday, and have seen before (Kirstie and Maks, Sherri and Val): the "I am a big-ole sexy gal, and I bet this hot guy I'm dancing can't wait to hit this" humor. Yawn. I'm not saying big girls can't be sexy; I'm saying that none of the other female contestants are blatantly coming on to their pros for the camera (unless involved in an actual relationship...), and it's a tired cliche.]


Here are my thoughts on the casting:

• As I see it, viewers who turn in to watch celebrity non-dancers dress up in sequins and Spandex and try to ballroom dance are NOT likely to be die hard ESPN fans. Of course, athletes also tend to be in the best physical shape, and are usually gifted with more grace and coordination than your average regular human (although DWTS has certainly had its share of exception to this "athletes tend to excel" rule. Certain tennis players come to mind…). And certainly gymnasts and figure skaters have a leg up, so to speak, when it comes to musicality and choreography. So I understand why DWTS pulls heavily from the sports world for its contestants - the athletes tend to be the better dancers. But on the flip side, I can't get excited about watching football players, boxers, basketball players, etc. on DWTS. I'm just not a fan! It's a sports thing – and I'm just not on board. (And a special note to Helio Castroneves: driving a car for a living doesn't make you an athlete any more than surfing the internet makes me one. Just sayin'. And yes, I know you won DWTS. But not because you are an athlete. But I digress.) I just really have to wonder how large the crossover is between sports fans and fans of spandex-clad, glittery, spray-tanned ballroom dancers.
•  Footballers do well on DWTS. As do most athletes, especially Olympians. Which brings me to Dorothy Hammill. I grew up in the world of competitive figure skating (I could have been a contender if my Mother hadn't hated the cold weather in Minnesota, and made us move to the non-frozen, non-ice rink enabled Deep South!) and remember watching Dorothy Hammill win Olympic Gold at Innsbruck. Clearly, she has a few years on Aly Raisman – but Dorothy Hammill is an Olympian, too. So I was amazed AND horrified when several entertainment shows (sorry – I can't remember which ones!) trivialized Ms. Hammill's career and accomplishments by saying "I remember her famous haircut" (or something like that.) Seriously? You are reducing an Olympic Gold Medalist to a trendy haircut in the 1970s? (Of course you are, after all, Michelle Obama made news for 2 weeks last month when she got HER hair cut.) Yes, GMA made it clear that Aly Raisman is the Olympian on DWTS this season. But GMA isn't alone – other (print and TV) press coverage similarly discounts Ms. Hammill*, with statements along the lines of "Olympian Aly Raisman joins the cast", and adding Dorothy Hammill somewhere down the list. Yeah, this one really got under my skin. I understand that these 2 Olympic medal winners are separated by decades, and Ms. Raisman's physical conditioning and abilities are in the full bloom of youth. My point is, they are both Olympic gold medalists. Period. And I predict Ms. Hammill will do well on DWTS. 

         (*from Time Entertainment: "An Olympian, a Dick, and an American Idol alumna are all slated to take a turn on the dance floor on Dancing with the Stars..." How hard would it have been for Time to say "Two Olympians?" Further down, they distinguish between the two by calling Raisman an Olympian, and Hammill a "former Olympian." Maybe that is standard practice when an Olympian retires from their sport ... I don't know. But as I recall, Kristi Yamaguchi won Olympic Gold AND last skated competitively in 1992, long before her 2008 DWTS win, yet she was billed as an Olympian that season. )

OK - the Hammill Horse (no relation to the Hammill Camel) is dead now - I will quit beating it.

• The Disney Factor – I'm aware that Disney is ABC's parent company. I get that these kids need something to keep them off the street (kidding!) – But I see the casting of these very young people as evidence that DWTS either doesn't understand or doesn't appreciate its demographic. I just don't see crowds of tweens (and younger kids) tuning in to this show. And I certainly don't care about these Disney kids. Maybe ABC is just trying to "grow" its demo by dipping into the tween set and the ESPN set – OK, but only at the risk of marginalizing and alienating others… 
• The supermodels/pageant winners: I see this as another attempt (after casting football players and boxers) to pull in the male demo (much like Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition). These contestants are usually pretty awkward, with very little personality. Not sure why else they would be cast. Just sayin'.

OK. Enough about the celebrities.

One note about the professional cast – Maks Chmerkovskiy isn't dancing on Season 16. Maks was one of the best things about DWTS. He has personality, a sense of humor, unparalleled dancing skills, he's nice to look at – he is a delight to watch. He has drawing power. All other factors aside, if Maks were dancing this season, you wouldn't be reading this, because I would never have written it.  I would be right there watching every week.

 Bye, Maks 

Moving on – let's look at some more reasons I've grown weary of Dancing with the Stars:

The Gimmicks: Theme nights, marathons – I'm just not a fan of the gimmicks. One theme night per season, I could handle, but every, single week? Make it stop! Movie night, rock night, country night, pick a style for your partner night, inspirational story night, choose a style for the competition night, and remember this one: "stupid theme night" (Caveman Hustle”? "Knight Rider Bhangra”? “Surfer Flamenco"? OK – maybe it wasn't officially called "stupid theme night" But it should have been. Agonizing, it was.)

I'm more of a purist: I tune in for the dancing (and personalities), and would really love to see all the contestants dance the same style on the same night. It makes it a lot easier for viewers to compare technique when everyone is dancing the same style! It's hard to compare Kirstie Alley's rumba with Melissa Rycroft's jive!

The Judging: Note: this is NOT about the judges. I love Len, Carrie Ann, and Bruno – it is wonderful to have talented judges who know what they are talking about when they provide critiques (pay attention, So You Think You Can Dance, with your stupid stunt casting in that guest judge's chair!)

This is about the judging itself: the DWTS judges are not consistent:

• Their judging is not consistent from contestant to contestant. The judges make it very clear whom they expect better performances and technique from, and score accordingly. A performance by a struggling contestant may receive an 8 or better, whereas the same level of performance by a better dancer may receive a 7 or lower, because the judges expect more from that dancer - this is not fair. Crappy dancing deserves a crappy score. This is not peewee soccer, where everyone gets a trophy just for showing up! 
• The judges aren't consistent with each other. Carrie Ann shouldn't deduct a point for a lift while Len and Bruno give the same performance a 10 because it was "entertaining". Len shouldn't deduct a point for dropping hold (where same is not allowed) if Carrie Ann and Bruno are going to ignore it, because they were "entertained". Leave the subjectivity to the voting public - we all know it ultimately comes down to popularity, anyway (versus actually being 100% about the dancing) 
• The scoring peaks too early. Contestants that are scoring 9s (or 9.5s, if the half-point paddles return) in week 2 and 3 have no room for improvement, yet are FAR from perfect. (But they were head and shoulders above the really bad dancers the judges shouldn't have given that 8 to...) When these overscored contestants do improve, the judges have to reward that improvement with a 10 because there is nowhere else to go, despite obvious technical mistakes. 

10 means perfection. Period. 10s are grossly misused and overused on DWTS. Save the 10s for truly perfect performances! A 10 should be something to strive for, not something to start whining about in week 5, when 6 other contestants have gotten 10s, but you haven't .... "Waaah .... I deserve a 10 ..." Happens. A lot.)

 Carrie Ann, Len, and Bruno, giving out those 10s

The endlessly-bloated results show: An encore performance? Please - we saw it less than 24 hours ago, producers! Musical performances by artists I don't care about? With some dancing by "the troupe?" Get rid of these - needless filler. And those crazy scripted intro/recaps Brooke and Tom read before announcing whether a contestant is safe? Complete with playback from the night before? Just stop. Macy's Stars of Dance - it's hit or miss, and if it's good? Showcase these exceptional performers on a Special - they don't need to be on DWTS. [I love what DWTS (and SYTYCD) are doing for dance - but I don't love how DWTS is doing it.] And all the manufactured suspense leading up to the elimination? Just boil everything down into a 30 minute show (which is still 20 minutes more than needed)

Thank goodness for my DVR – I would record the Tuesday night results show, then watch it on the DVR as soon as the live show ended, fast fowarding through all the filler and commercials to get the results. Took me 10 to 12 minutes.

Those orchestral versions of popular songs (with the dreadful singers): Ugggh. If Fox can get the real tunes for SYTYCD, surely ABC can, too.

Brooke Burke-Charvet: OMG. My Golden Retriever could give a better interview (because he's a better listener. Plus, everybody gets a big wet kiss - none of those Hollywood air kisses for Bailey!) Brooke is so eager to get out her canned questions that she frequently cuts off the responses, or actually responds inappropriately to what was said, because . . . she isn't listening. This is about the extent of Brooke's repertoire, and heaven forbid a contestant answers her in an unexpected way, because that throws her a major loop:

• How did you feel about your dance? 
• How do you feel about your score? 
• How much do you want to win?

And remember how she painfully kept pushing Kelly and Val: "C'mon, you two are totally doing it, right?"

Tom B. and Brooke B-C 

Poor Brooke is nowhere without her script, her cards, and her earpiece, and she's still pretty lost with all of these prompts! Spontaneity is not her friend.

Bring back Drew Lachey! Please. Or give it to Lara Spencer! She'd be fantastic!

The Live Tweets, distractingly scrolling across the screen: This is a horrible trend that ABC has grabbed for all it's worth. They pop up like a visual assault, with their #s and @s and !s, hogging the screen.

Dear ABC: If I wanted to read tweets, with the squee-ing, hash-tagged, syntax-impaired blurtings of the fame-seeking TV-watching public, I would have a freakin' Twitter account. Get that crap off my screen. TV is not a social medium. I can form my own opinions! Quit trying to turn my evening entertainment into an interactive social event!

The good stuff:

• Tom Bergeron: a fantastic, professional host – great sense of humor, quick on the uptake, and just the right amount of snark and irreverence. He gets that it's just entertainment, and no one is "dancing for their lives." 
• Dance Center: It's not as funny and edgy as it used to be, but it's still fun. Love seeing what the guys will wear, (or not wear, Shirtless Len!). DWTS needs more Dance Center! 

Dance Center: Jerry, Kenny, and Len "skewer" the contestants

So back to my tipped scales: Not everything I've touched on impacted my decision – here's what it basically boiled down to:

Reasons to keep watching:

• Ingo Rademacher – I'm a real fan, and he's pretty 
• Andy Dick – I'm sure he will provide some funny and unforgettable moments.

Reasons to bail:

• The cast is just boring. I don't know most of them, so I don't care what they do, or say, or how they dance. 
• Wynonna Judd – her antics are already getting old, and that's just from 30 minutes on the GMA announcement show! 
• The Results show – it is just too long.and boring 
•  Live Tweets – I hate, hate, hate them. Minor factor in my decision, but a really annoying trend on TV these days 
• No Maks – this is the kicker. I gave it triple weight in my decision because, I said before, everything else aside, if Maks were dancing, I'd be watching. (Of course, if Maks were making an appearance to read from the phone book, I still might tune in....)

So adios, DWTS (I'm sure you're crushed). I'll get my recaps on TWoP, and I can watch Andy and Ingo on YouTube!

[If you enjoyed reading this manifesto, I don't write them very often - usually we are all about the jewelry here. But I did write one about a year ago, addressing issues I had with the now-cancelled ABC show, The Revolution. I calls 'em like I sees 'em.]

This Revolution is NOT all about me

I am devoting some time today to the new ABC show, The Revolution. Tagline: The Revolution, It's all about you.

left to right: Dr. Jennifer Ashton, Tim Gunn, Ty PenningtonDr. Tiffanie Davis Henry, Harley Pasternak

I loved the concept of this show, and I wanted to love this show, after all, it stars Tim Gunn!

Unfortunately, this Revolution isn't all about me, and isn't for me.

I watched every day for 4 1/2 weeks, and watched my last episode on Wednesday, February 15. Over time, I found myself fast forwarding through more and more content, and here's why:

The Revolution is infotainment, I get that. However...

Despite the fact that ABC chooses to bill Ty Pennington as the star of this show (I'm guessing because they believe he is the best known, coming from ABC's own Extreme Makeover Home Edition - nepotism, much?), I am going to start with the BEST part of The Revolution, Tim Gunn. Who in my opinion is also the best known of the 5 hosts. After all, Project Runway has a huge following, ABC.

I love his segments, enthusiasm, and tips (despite the corny name they have given his "Timterventions" - cringe). Tim is the feel-good part of this show, and as I said, the best part of the show, in my opinion. Of course, I may be a little biased with my Tim-love, but this is how I see it. That being said, I have my bones to pick with Tim, too.

For example, Tim occasionally references certain wardrobe items he considers essential to every woman, and even devoted an entire segment to this recently. But Tim's closet essentials just don't match my lifestyle, and I can't be the only woman in America for whom this is true.

One of Tim's closet essentials: the little black dress. Per Tim: "every woman must have one," "a staple in every woman's wardrobe."

At least, in the recent segment devoted to the little black dress, when he showed his pick - which was a sleeveless black mid-thigh length dress - he clarified that his pick was universally flattering to MOST women. This dress was too short for me, and I would never, ever wear a sleeveless dress. I'll say it: I do NOT have the legs or arms for a sleeveless, above-the-knee dress.That said, in general, I liked the way Tim styled this particular dress, though I didn't care for the red velvet jacket with it (I don't like blazers/jackets period, and these are yet another of Tim's top closet staples). But to speak to Tim's larger point, that every woman simply must have a little black dress, I say not true. Not every woman is a 20- or 30-something, club-hopping, cocktail-party goer. And I have the ability, with items currently in my own closet, to dress up a pair of black pants for almost any occasion that a little black dress would cover!

I used to have a job that required far less than casual dress everyday, and I usually wore dresses with heels. When I left the corporate world 5 years ago I sold or donated every dress and skirt, and almost every pair of dress pants, I owned, and have never looked back. Jeans and khakis are so much more comfortable, not to mention more practical, for my current occupation. I don't have occasion to attend any functions where I can't wear pants, and don't ever plan to go back to dresses. I still have a lot of my heels (I love heels!) but haven't worn them in 5 years, either. I feel like I must wear heels if I wear dresses or skirts, but they are so bad for my neck, my back, and my plantar fasciitis.

And speaking of my neck: I quit carrying a handbag 5 years ago, too. And no, Tim, I don't wear a fanny pack! I keep my cell phone and a credit card, and a little cash, in one pocket, and my car key in the other. And I carry my iPad. And that's it. The makeup I start the day with is what I end the day with. I don't carry tissues, makeup, rings of keys, and whatever else women claim to need a purse for. (That craziness that Dr. Jen displayed in her 10-lb handbag was ridiculous!)

So - Tim's top 3 closet essentials (from his list of 10) are: 1) Little Black Dress 2) Classic Blazer 3) Classic Button-down White Shirt. I am not ashamed to say, I have none of this in my closet. Forgive me, Tim! Hell, for that matter, I don't think I have any of the rest of his top 10. Let's see: 4) Trench coat - well, yes - I have one. 5) Classic Dress Pants - oooh - I have 2 of the essentials! 6) Skirt - nope. 7) Day dress - nope. 8) Cashmere sweater - nope. Furthermore, I'm allergic to wool, and isn't cashmere wool? 9) Jeans - check, and check! 10) alternative to sweats - nope, again - but I have sweats! I know that doesn't count. I need a Timtervention.

And to mention just one more of Tim's segments - the "muffin top makeover". I enjoyed this segment, and thought his restyling of the brave women from the audience was wonderful, except for one thing. None of those women would have looked nearly so wonderful if they had simply sat down while modeling their new styles - their muffin tops would have been on full display. Show us these wardrobe makeovers in both a standing and seated position (lots of us spent the majority of the workday - not to mention dates, where we are seated at restaurants, movies, etc - seated) and you'll win me over!

My favorite part of The Revolution? Tim's honest self-revelations - about his last relationship, his inability to use a treadmill (overcome!) - or whatever...he is unflinchingly open and honest. And endearing.

So, I love Tim, but respectfully disagree with him on some topics. Which is as it should be - I just wish he didn't so often speak in sweeping generalities (though as I mentioned, he does sometimes modify his generalizations). But I never fast-forward through Tim!

I like Harley's segments, but he needs to quit letting Ty trivialize his exercise demos. I can't really take Harley seriously when Ty is dropping chairs on his own face, and making sexual innuendo about chest exercises. More about this later. But suffice to say, I have started fast-forwarding through much of Harley's stuff just because Ty is so annoying.

On to Dr. Jen. As a physician myself, I personally don't get anything from Dr. Jen's segments, though in general she does an excellent job making medical information accessible to the lay person. As a viewer, I have to say that find Dr. Jen's white coat off-putting and pretentious. They don't make Ty wear a tool belt, or Harley wear workout gear, or Tim drape a tape measure around his neck. We know Jen's a doctor; dispense with the prop. Hopefully, Dr. Jen's coat isn't used to distinguish her from Dr. Tiffanie, who isn't a "real doctor". And don't get me started on how silly it is to address a professional by their first name, with "Doctor" in front of it. It feels like Romper Room, like a first grader addressing their teacher as "Miss Anne". An honorific goes with the last name, not the first name. Listening to Tim and Harley call these women "Dr. Jen" and "Dr. Tiffanie" is infantalizing. It seems OK for Ty, though. LOL, not really. Stop it. Fast-forward factor for the Dr. Jen segments? 100%.

Dr. Tifannie is OK, and I like her segments in general, but I just find her a little too touchy-feely. For instance, I was really put off by her tears during the plane crash survivor's final reveal. She was moved, I get it. But the line was blurred for me; is she the objective therapist, or the new best friend? I expect health care professionals to be a little more dispassionate, and I felt no therapist would be openly weeping upon hearing that "journey". Even Dr. Jen was getting a little teary, which obviously bothered me, too. Especially since both women had known this woman for months, and heard the story over and over - so the tears just didn't seem authentic from any standpoint. Fast-forward factor - about 50%, depending on the topic.

So, just as Tim is the best part of The Revolution, there is a worst part, and that brings me to Ty.

Ty is inappropriate, an immature doofus, the class clown, with his constant attention-seeking behavior. He's Like everybody's skeevy uncle nightmare, wearing last decade's soul patch. Always quick with the quips, which are usually sexist or full of sexual innuendo/double entendres.

As I said earlier, ABC fronts Ty as the star of The Revolution: he is front and center in the promo pics and on their website, and he leads off the show: After just 1 week of watching, I started playing a little game with myself and my DVR when watching the show, trying to see if I could fast forward completely through Ty's opening screech "Welcome to The Revvvvolution!!" (picture him screeching that in his best "Goooood Morrrrrrrrrrrning, Hapless Fammmily!!!" voice.)

Almost 5 weeks into watching, and I'm still not sure why he is on this show. He just doesn't mesh with the rest of the format.

Ty has occasional little design segments, and home improvement segments. I literally cringed when he revealed the makeover of the sisters' living room in week one with that hideous tree, with photos slapped on it.

And then there was the segment on your home's front door - he discussed re-painting your door, and hanging a decoration, like a door knocker or wreath, on it, and then leered at the poor woman whose door he was making over: "Who doesn't love Big knockers?" She giggled, nervously.

But his worst offense is the mockery he makes of Harley's nutrition and exercise segments. During one episode, Harley was explaining how to use a wooden chair from your home as resistance for certain exercises, while Ty demonstrated. During the last exercise, a crunch with bent knees, Ty placed wooden chair on his legs after specifically being told not to by Harley. Gravity kicked in, and the chair promptly fell on Ty's face, as the camera quickly cut away. I wish I had a screencap! And this is not a lone example - Ty routinely uses poor form when demonstrating Harley's exercises, and is never, ever corrected. So if you don't know much about exercising, you may not get that Ty is screwing up, and you may be learning incorrect and/or unsafe ways to exercise.

During nutrition and health eating segments? They'll have an entire plate of cookies out as a prop, and Ty will just shovel cookies into his face while Harley and Dr. Jen discuss how high in fat and calories the cookies are.

And here is a tidbit from Monday, February 13's episode, where Dr. Jen was discussing how to get the most, hormonally, from a hug:

Dr. Jen: a hug should last 20 seconds
Tim: 20 seconds? That's a lifetime! A hug is about getting in and getting out.
Ty: that's a whole different kinda love. [Smirk]

Fast-forward factor for Ty? 100%. I think I could actually benefit from his home improvement segments, but I can't put up with him long enough to watch them.
So - I bid farewell to The Revolution. And cross my fingers that Tim will return for the next season of Project Runway (and you, too, Heidi!) We sure miss him on Project Runway AllStars!

Critic's Corner

Books I've recently read:

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, by Jonathan Safran Foer: This is a terrific book, recommended to me by my good friend Anderson Cooper.

Well, so actually I heard AC singing the praises of this book when he was co-hosting Live with Kelly a few weeks ago, but in my head he and I are good friends. 'Kay? So naturally I dashed off to the Kindle Store and downloaded a copy, using the Amazon Gift Card my good friend Sonya gave me for Christmas. Yay!

This is a terrific book, and I can't wait for the movie (that'll be Netlix for $1000, Alex - we can't afford to go to the theater anymore!). However, this book was incredible difficult for me to read, because the Point of View (POV) keeps switching from the protagonist to other characters, some of whom even have the same name (Thomas) which is doubly confusing, as you try to grasp any straw to get a foothold in the context, and while the POV is switching between characters, all the text is delivered in the same frantic, frenetic style of the pre-adolescent protagonist. I was constantly having to reread pages to figure out which character was speaking, and ultimately realized I would be better served to just finish as best I could, and once it was all sorted out, I would re-read the entire book, knowing who everyone is. But it is definitely one for the Must Read list!

Lucy, by Laurence Gonzales: I am glad this was a digital library loan, and that I didn't fork up any money for it. This book has a terrific premise (from Amazon: "Primatologist Jenny Lowe is studying bonobo chimpanzees deep in the Congo when she is caught in a deadly civil war that leaves a fellow researcher dead and his daughter, Lucy, orphaned. Realizing that the child has no living relatives, Jenny begins to care for Lucy as her own. But as she reads the late scientist’s notebooks, she discovers that Lucy is the result of a shocking experiment, and that the adorable, magical, wonderful girl she has come to love is an entirely new hybrid species—half human, half bonobo.") Very appealing to the science geek inside me. But the execution is awful, written to appeal to pre-teens, in my opinion. I found it juvenile, and yes, I still read it all the way to the end. So it wasn't so horrible that I quit, as I wanted to see how the author resolved the ethical quandaries he had developed, but even that was disappointing.

And a movie recommendation for you: I just watched Dolphin Tale on Netflix - what a delightful, fun film. I highly recommend it!