Why hast thou forsaken us, Dan Karaty?

I am not ashamed to admit that I am fully addicted to So You Think You Can Dance. Have been, since Season 1. It's not even a guilty pleasure: I feel absolutely no guilt - I just love this show. I Tivo every episode, and then burn them onto DVDs - OK? I love it.



But now that it is Season 5, I just need to make a few observations.

Let's talk about the dancers this season for a moment - no matter how many times you say it [Mary Murphy, I'm talking to you], this is not THE BEST SEASON EVER. There is simply no standout, crowd pleasing dancer this season - at least not yet. No Benji. No Dmitry. No Lacey. The dancers this season are just "meh".

So let's talk a bit about the "Jidges" (that's "judges", for those of you who haven't heard Cat Deeley and her cheeky British accent introduce them.)

Love, love, love Nigel. There. I said it. He is respectful, and always has meaningful critiques. And he always makes sense. And I love his sense of humor.



It used to be, back a few seasons ago, that Nigel was the one permanent judge on the panel, and the other 2 judges rotated weekly, from among the panel of SYTYCD choreographers.


And Mary Murphy was one of these rotating judges.

Now, I actually like Mary. She often has insightful criticisms and comments.

But there's a couple of problems with Mary:

• she's a freakin', shreikin', BANSHEE
• her regular voice makes my ears bleed
• she has this annoying habit of speaking almost entirely in purely rhetorical questions/statements, and then ANSWERING THEM - as in "Did I think that performance was fabulous? YES I DID!!!!!"

It wasn't nearly so bad when she was a rotating judge, but they went and made her permanent a few years back, and I really wish Nigel would reconsider - it doesn't allow for the tremendous diversity in judging that the show had earlier, plus my ears really, really hurt. Seriously.




When Mary thinks a dance or dancer is really, really outstanding, she puts them on the "hot tamale train." And yes, it makes about as much sense as it sounds like it does. And of course, she does it in an ear-piercing shriek, just like everything else she does.

So I am hereby putting Mary on the STFU truck, YES I AM!

I love you Mary, but STFU. Seriously.

And now some brief observations about some of the other choreographers/judges:

• Mia Michaels - outstanding choreographer, but she is nuts. Just wacko. To the point of being incomprehensible at times. And note to the other judges/choreographers - Mia is good, but she is NOT a god. Good grief - woman doesn't walk on water, people, so stop with the tongue baths! She's just a choreographer with some weird ideas that she does a fantastic job of translating to contemporary dance, and is lucky enough to have talented dancers to interpret for her.
• Mandy Moore - another weirdo, but not on the Mia Michaels level
• Debbie Allen - good grief, Nigel - this woman should never, EVER, be allowed to judge this show (unless her medications are successfully adjusted to the point where she can actually make sense.) "Icon" or not, she just spews nonsense. Craaaaaaaaazy!
• Toni Basil - again, this one should NEVER be allowed to occupy that 3rd chair on the panel. Woman makes absolutely no sense. Her meds really need adjusting, too - (although, after listening to this week's shows, I suspect she only takes "street" drugs. 'Cause with our Toni, it's all about the "street" - get it?)
• Brian Friedman - gets a little weirder every season.
• Wade Robson - apparently a freakin' genius (according to all the other judges/choreographers.) Me? Not a fan.
• Adam Shankman - love him! More Shankman!
• Benji Shwimmer - a previous SYTYCD winner, and a terrific choreographer. Cute as a button, too. We need more Benji on this show. And don't hold it against him that Lacey Shwimmer (recently one of the new pros on Dancing with the Stars) is his sister - she was damn good on SYTYCD, but sucks on DWTS. But none of this is Benji's fault!
• Shane Sparks - another one who evidently is a genius, but I just don't get it.
• Sonya Tayeh - weird, Weird, WEIRDO. Girl just is out there. And I personally don't care how she wears her hair, although it is also weird; however, I do find it a little ironic that they criticized Kupono for having the exact same 'do, and he ended up shaving his head "to fit in".
• Tasty Oreo (AKA Tyce Diorio) - not crazy, not weird - but he's Broadway, and I am just not a fan.
• Tabatha and Napoleon - a married couple, who choreograph some of the hip-hop routines. Could almost make me like hip hop. Almost. Taboleon are down to earth, and actually make sense when they rotate in as judges. Let's have more Taboleon!
• which brings me to Lil' C. With the misplaced apostrophe. This dude is, as Mia Michaels would say, one hot polysyllabic mess. Dude just sits on the judges panel and spews big ole 10 syllable words that he apparently strings together randomly, and everyone stares at him in awe. And he's a hip-hop choreographer, so I already hate his work. But then he has the audacity to pretend to be able to critique ballroom, and ends up slamming some dude for having "bent knees" during an Argentine Tango, only to be corrected by 2 actual experts, who tell him that is the proper way to dance the Argentine Tango. So STFU, Lil'C, 'cause that shit ain't buck.
  
• Dan Karaty - best part of the show. Period. Hot-looking, great choreographer, and useful insight as a judge. Where the hell are you this season, Dan? We want more Dan Karaty!! We NEED more Dan Karaty - get on it Nigel, bring back Dan!
  

And I just need to say one more thing about this season -

Thank god they got rid of Oscar this week (and yes, I know her name isn't Oscar [it's Asuka], but that's how Cat says it, so that's who she will always be to me). Girl was just boring, and not nearly as hot as Nigel kept trying to make us believe. Hope she'll celebrate her elimination with a cheeseburger, 'cause seriously, girl needs to eat.